If anybody is paying attention - - - - I have always wanted to write.  Heinlein said that if you feel the need to write then do it in the dark and wash your hands thoroughly afterward.  I'll try to follow his admonitions.  I don't know if I have anything worthwhile to say but the words keep flowing.  So here's where they will go.

Conversations with My Dogs

So there I was sitting on the back porch with a cold one when my daughter called and asked if I’d like to have a yellow Lab puppy.  Thinking of other puppies I’d had raised, most of them lab mixes, I said sure, bring him on.  A Lab puppy – that’ll be great to have around the yard.   She showed up a couple of days later with  the puppy.  He was hanging over both sides of the back seat of her police cruiser Crown Vic.  A hundred pound puppy.  Name?  Don’t go there – I  called him Butters.  Butters and I got along great – even though he was crazy and needed attention and affection ALL the time.  He’d been bred to be a show dog, but his head wasn’t shaped right inside or out.  Remember Marley ?  Yeah, thought so. Butters can give Marley lessons. 

So there I was sitting on the back porch with a cold one a few months later when this giant dog dragging a tree limb showed up and parked at my feet.  The tree limb was attached to a log chain which was attached with tie-wraps.  Hmm.  Great Pyrenees looks like – sores all over his body – malnourished – must have escaped from somewhere.  Let’s doctor him a little, give him a bath and see if we can find the owners.  Cut off the chain.   Bath?  Oh no.  Water isn’t going to happen.  Seemed to like the antibiotics..  Put up a sign….people called, said, Oh you’ve found our dog.  Nah, we never named him, just used him to make more puppies….. Sorry to be a bother. 

So there I was sitting on the back porch with a cold one.  Two days later this giant dog comes back  carrying a 6 foot steel post  parks at my feet.  This dog looks familiar.  Hey, is this the same dog (stupid question).  Something familiar.  Post was tied to a log chain which was tied around his neck with tie-wraps.  Cut off the tie wraps, doctor the sores, give him the anti-biotics, try to give him a bath, call the owners, who come back and get him – Well, we just can’t keep a collar on him, we’ve been doctoring him with cattle wormer (??????) and he swims in the stock tank and we don’t know what we’re going to do and … and….and…..

Look lady – if he comes back again – don’t bother to come get him. 

So there I was sitting on the back porch with a cold one tonight when Dreyfuss comes up, cold noses me and says –

 “Hey – time for supper.  And you need to feed my son over there too.  Have you noticed he’s almost as big as me?  I could have had more if you hadn’t had the doc snip me – dammit – that next door lady was really sweet…….easy too…. – shut up Butters, he’s paying attention to me now….”

Anybody want to help with the dog food bill? 

Labor Day

Labor Day

This year Labor Day was a little different. Melissa Clouthier out of Houston asked if we had forgotten what Labor Day was about. Yes? Good!

But this year Labor Day brought the winds and the fire. Tropical Storm Lee whipped the wind in Central Texas. Drought, dry land, electricity, and maybe arson brought the rest. We evacuated on Monday night and got back to our home on Tuesday morning, against orders I might add. We didn’t have permission to come back, but I’ve never believed that a free person has to ask permission to act in their own best interests.

I know people who have lost homes - I know many more who are stunned at the rapid destruction of their property but who are thankful they still have their lives. When we left here Monday night I felt as if I would throw up, vomit up all the stress and heartache of what I knew was coming. I cannot imagine the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of those who actually did lose their homes and possessions. I will try to help in some way over the next few days to ease at least some of their burdens.

Thanks to all the new Facebook friends. This has been an experience trying to help in some way to at least get information to those who were outside the “evacuation zone” and had no way of knowing what was going on.

Labor Day. I won’t forget this one.

The Debate

Just finished watching the debate and these are first impressions, as I remember.

Santorum – Has 7 kids….I actually fast forwarded through the rest of his remarks. Every time.

Gingrich – He would make one terrific history teacher; and somebody needs to give him a job in an administration, somewhere sometime doing something harmless (Secretary of Education?).

Bachman – She sure is pretty. $2 a gallon gas….Reagan said….something. Why didn’t they ask her about submitting to her husband? That sure is a pretty airplane they’re standing under.The hair is going to get in the way.

Romney – Romneycare (“Dammit, ask me about anything else – you put one little massive government program into place and that’s all they remember you for”). He’s smooth. But he didn’t answer any questions. He left no impression of any kind.

Paul – Wow – and not a good “wow”. He starts to make sense, then he’s off like the Roadrunner cutting a u-turn and heading back the other way.

Cain – Secretary of Commerce. Love the pizza. Got some good ideas but he's blown it weeks ago not knowing anything about foreign affairs.

Huntsman – He’s pretty too. Nice tan – absolutely incapable of answering a question without invoking Reagan. OK, Maybe I missed some flash of genius but the word that came to mind is “smarmy”.

Perry – OK, maybe I’m prejudiced as I’ve been following him for the last ten years. His flaw tonight? He answered the questions directly which is never good for a politician. On the other hand he stood by what he has said about social security (It’s a Ponzi scheme); immigration (boots on the ground, secure the border then we can talk); and Karl Rove has said a lot of over the top things. And to quote Ron White - "If you kill somebody in Texas, we're gonna kill you back!"

Politics Today

Been awhile - don't know if anybody's paying attention. But a few things popped up over the last couple of days.

As a member of the Legion I've got to say that whoever wrote the Won's speech did a good job of it. It was delivered nicely. Too bad he didn't mean any of it.

The Indianapolis Muslim Congressman who thinks we want blacks to be hanging from trees is probably too uneducated to know about black slavery under Muslims. If he's not uneducated then he's a poltroon, a racist, and a disgrace. I vote for the latter.

Sarah - we love you, but your expiration date is past.

Rudy, your expiration date is so far past you've soured. You were never going to be President - you couldn't even carry the New York of the South.

Michelle Bachmann - Really? "I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' " Even if that's a joke, people died in the hurricane. It's not funny and it shows that you're really not ready for this. Not all of us conservatives are that enamored of your version of Christianity.

Perry's unelectable. I still remember standing in a hall in Boston the first time I saw Ronald Reagan speak and heard the newsies saying how he was unelectable. I guess we'll see.

Is Romney ever going to admit that single payer doesn't work?

Keeping Austin Weird

That’s the catch-phrase here in my adopted city, the “liberal bastion” of Austin. A lady told me last week that the only bad thing about Austin is that 15 minutes after leaving the city you’re back in Texas with all the conservatives. I told her that was one of the best things about it. But it’s not just politics - last week I was sitting at a stop light at Red River and 6^th Street, right in the epicenter of keeping it weird when I was passed by four people on unicycles. I had about gotten used to the flocks of Segways that roll by every once in awhile, but four unicycles is still something to remark on. Kind of like the ostrich in my front yard a few years ago. Keeping it weird.

The Won stopped in Austin for a fundraiser last night. Oh sure, the El Paso trip was earlier in the day but he was preaching to Mexicans and illegals out there. Here was for grabbing money, and Austin is the only place in Texas weird enough to give him any. The rolling roadblocks to ease the motorcade through town were advertised all day so his arrival at 5 PM rush hour wouldn’t have any effect on the traffic. Hundreds of police cars blocked intersections 30 minutes before the motorcade rolled through so I had plenty of time to sit and watch what I used to take part in. I counted a bunch of Suburbans, including the latest cast of my brethren providing communications – hard to miss with that dome on top. I finally passed and it seemed a few people were excited to see it.

But. This morning I was at Jim’s, an old Austin establishment getting some breakfast at 5 AM. I’d about finished my migas when a couple of older gents came in and got their regular table and commenced the coffee drinking and problem solving. Of course I had to listen and it wasn’t hard to hear – “You know I like Obama, but I don’t see any reason that he couldn’t have met with Perry….he is the governor” – “Yeah and I don’t see any reason they haven’t released that federal money for the fires – didn’t take too long for Alabama – he had time to come and get some money here” “Yeah, I’m gonna have to think about that some”. And I heard more grousing like that today hanging around places where those things just aren’t said. After all - This is the place where “Obama is Awesome”.

Coffee Makers

Well----I wrote this one about a year ago too....I really need to catch up on what I intended to post. Oh and she WILL be responding to this one.

A couple of months ago the Significant Other Better Half Darling Wife (she HATES it when I refer to her this way and I WILL pay for it) and I were staying at a hotel and she wanted some coffee to relax after spending a little time at the casino. While brewing it up she had a brilliant idea that would eliminate all the coffee makers in all the rooms and make it much simpler for the guest to have coffee and the hotel to serve it. The idea? A central brewing facility in the basement of the hotel where fresh beans would be delivered by Juan Valdez then ground into the proper consistency and brewed in giant coffee makers. The prepared coffee would then be piped up to each room and delivered without all the hassle of putting the little bag in the filter container and pouring water into the spout on top.

I asked a couple of questions……

How much will this cost? “I don’t know but we’ll figure that out later, but I’ll bet I could do it for $11 million”.

What’s the benefit to the hotel? “Well, there may not be one, but I can have coffee right here in the room at any time I want it and it doesn’t matter what it costs!”

What happens to all the old coffee makers? “Well, throw them away of course!!!”

How do you keep it hot on the way to the room? “Well, I’ll work on that in the morning!!!”

How about the coffee maker manufacturers? “Well, who cares???? – What are you a sexist that thinks women can’t have good ideas??????? Just go to sleep – I can’t discuss this with you!!!!!!”

So I did.

In the morning I made coffee and reminded her of her brilliant scheme of the night before. Sober now she said, “What? That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard of.”

The only difference I can see between Obama’s plan to destroy the insurance industry and my darling wife’s coffee distribution plan is that she was sober the next morning.

The Difference

I wrote this about a year ago and forgot about it....

After I left the Army and my White House assignment I’ve worked several jobs and always come back to customer service. Now I’m in the most stress free thing ever – I drive limos and buses. I see everything from celebrities and business executives to people out on wine tours. I’m the guy at the airport with a black suit and your name on a card; most of the time I love it. I hear everything and officially remember nothing.

A few weeks ago a large company had their board meeting here in town. I picked up all the senior board members from their individual private jets and brought them downtown one at a time in a new sedan.

First arrival was a very well known CEO of an environmentally connected company – he advises Gore on carbon trading. I’d been warned by his staff that he tended to be forgetful about his personal bag and likely to leave it on the plane or in the car. There was a light drizzle when I arrived at the Gulfstream and the pilot handed out the bag. I greeted client as he deplaned and he said nothing He got under the umbrella and walked to the car. He didn’t say a word until “Driver, I need to go to a restroom.” I pulled around to the front of the terminal and he waited for me to get out (in the rain) and get the door and umbrella. He went inside and I moved the car under an awning and waited. He came back and we took off for downtown. The entire conversation was “Driver, how far to the hotel?” then 15 minutes later, “Driver, how much farther?” We pulled up in front and the bellman got the door; the gentleman went directly inside, saying nothing and leaving me literally holding the bag, which I turned over to the bellman. He didn’t forget it – he knew someone would take care of it.

An hour later the next arrival was an Assistant Secretary of State during the first Bush administration. I pulled up in front of the plane, still in a light drizzle and he came off with his own bag, waved away the umbrella and stuck out his hand for a shake and said “Hi, I’m John”. I responded, “Welcome Mr. Secretary, I’m John, too.” I took his bag and stowed it while he got in the car. He made two phone calls to let his staff know he had arrived, then we started talking – ‘John, how’s the economy here; John, how’s the politics here? What do you think of Hutchison running against Perry? and so on, all the way to the hotel. When we got there, he opened his door and grabbed his bag, waved off the bellman and again stuck his hand out – “John, thanks for the ride, I really enjoyed the conversation – hope to see you again tomorrow when I leave….”then turned to the bellman and spoke with him as I was leaving.

I’ve been doing this job off and on, with different companies, for about 10 years now. That day was so typical as to be commonplace. The self-described liberal “man of the people” very seldom is while the conservative business and political people always at the very least speak to the service providers as people. I saw this during my time at the White House during the Carter and Clinton administrations and I see it even more now that I’m ‘just the driver’.